Michael Oster
"I'm that one person who when they hear a skipping, stuttering CD playing is shouting, 'Keep it going, I can do something with that!"

Scrap Yard
Brutal metal zine from the PitGoddess. Interviews, reviews, and more....

Iguana Invasion!
Thousands of giant reptiles call Gasparilla Island home. But are they welcome there?

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The Difficult Listening Channel
The sounds in my head become the sounds in yours.




e-mail: mike@regurgitron.com

*** Remember to subscribe to this podcast! I don't have a production schedule for the DLC, so you never know when a new episode will pop up. But, if you subscribe, you'll never miss a show.



"Difficult Listening Channel - 219 - It Tastes Like Chicken or: Stuff that Gets Put Away Stays Away" It's been 45 years and my parents are still pissed at me. It all started with a family rite of passage that goes back several generations. When I was just six weeks old, my parents decided that I was ready. They lovingly secured me in my baby car seat and off we went. Driving for hours, we finally ended up at our destination. Cold and dark, they put me out on the side of the road in a remote location. I think I remember that they smiled at me or something. From then on, I was on my own. Hours later, they arrived back home. Happy and joyous, they were probably planning to hit the bedroom where they would make my baby sister. But it was not to be. They opened the door and got the shock of their lives: I was there! Yes, at just six weeks old and unable to walk or even read a map, I beat them home. Years later, my parents confronted me: they wanted to know exactly how I got back before they did. I mean, they had a car and I was just a baby. What the hell? My answer to them was in the form of a question and it pissed them off even more. I asked, 'Do you believe that you having a car, or object permanence has anything to do with you being able to beat me...in this place? You think that's air you're breathing now'?.


show release date 6-18-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 218 - Digitally Enhanced Robot Person Go Boom or: I Can't Let the Guests See This" Ralph has been on the fritz lately. Short for Random Access non-Linear People Helper, Ralph units have been in service for the past decade or so and they can trace their lineage all the way back to the ill-fated Project Derpbot (Digitally Enhanced Robot Person). Technology has come a long way, however, there are still a few minor bugs such as I am currently experiencing with my Ralph unit. Last night I found the cat stuffed in the dryer along with the ion flow being intentionally reversed. Also, the food modulator had been reprogramed to spew out only a reddish brown paste. Now, Ralph just limps around in circles leaking oil and making synthetic 'gurgling' noises. Tech support tells me that this is a common firmware issue or possibly a downloaded virus but in either case it's easily resolved. However, I'm a little suspicious. I remember that last year the Nelson's across the street had to put their Ralph unit down because it was acting strangely. And from what I understand, Ralph units have a self-destruct bypass located deep inside their software master root files. Once accessed, it can be very difficult to dispose of a malfunctioning Ralph. Something tells me this is going to be messy. Maybe I should have just gotten a dog.


show release date 6-11-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 217 - Gus Made a Mix Tape or: Great Grandma's Recipe Goes Galactic" For the second time in his life, James had shit out a 'little person'. Unlike the first, however, this one was still alive. Weird. One minute he was juggling bowling pins at the county fair, the next minute he's lodged in some stranger's small intestines. Now, he's convulsing on the floor. Of course he was angry - and a little light sensitive too. But after a bit of time to come to his senses, he was ready for debriefing. The question that was first on everyone's mind was what had he done to survive in that environment? He'd gone at least a week without any fresh air, food or water and he was here to tell the story. Then, something strange was noted. At the time of consumption, this 'little person' stood 2 foot 9 inches. Now he measured over 3 foot 2. Impossible, but there it was: an adult 'little person' growing 5 inches in a week! Another factor may have been that armadillo shell that was also passed by James. Could this have somehow protected the 'little person' from all that stomach acid and bile? And could Grandma's remedy also have played a role? So far, all the tests have been inconclusive, but at least we finally know what caused James to be so constipated..


show release date 6-3-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 216 - Fly in the Laxative Spacecraft or: Ex Post Lactose" James had been constipated for a week. He tried every over the counter and prescription medication available, but nothing was working. It was now time for Grandma to step in, as she had a remedy for just about everything. This one, however, was special and came from very old Jewish recipe that she said dated back to the middle ages. It was a combination or herbs, oils, dust, ash and voodoo magic. Grandma had to take over the kitchen claiming that she needed all the bowls, pots and pans that were available and that non-believers would contaminate her mixture. There was a lot of noise as I'm sure you could imagine. But beyond that, there was chanting. It was a language that sounded like a combination of Latin, German, and Russian. We didn't even know Grandma could speak anything but English. There was also smoke. It was so strong that it could peel wall paper and singe nose hairs. But it didn't bother her. She was tough, a testament to the 'Greatest Generation'. Two days passed and Grandma's remedy was ready. If James could survive the next few hours, he was all but guaranteed relief. What happened next, however, was beyond shocking.


show release date 5-30-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 215 - Hail to the Beef or: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Dumpster" Forget the 'million dollar' idea, Pedro had the 'hundred million dollar' idea: Chinese Mexican restaurants! It was so simple that it couldn't fail. After all, Tex-Mex is popular, Chi-Mex would be groundbreaking! And so it became. Pedro Ling's Chi-Mex Bistro took the world by storm. Featuring dishes such as General Tso's Tacos, Wonton tortillas, Mandarin pork refried fajitas, and stir-fry enchiladas, Chi-Mex franchises were an instant hit. Where else could you get dim sum nachos with cilantro, jalapeno and red beans? Or how about a spicy sweet and sour chicken burrito? Exactly! And that was the key to such an unbelievable success. Never before had the best of China and Mexico come together under one roof. And the other eateries were feeling the pinch. Taco Bell reported a reduction in their same store sales, as did P.F. Chang's. Within a year Pedro Ling had become bigger than Colonel Sanders. He was truly riding the tidal wave of success. He had his critics though. Some claimed that he was a fake. But with a Chinese father and a Mexican mother, Pedro was in fact the 'real deal'. He also knew kung-fu, was good at math, spoke fluent Spanish, and could play a mean trumpet.


show release date 5-20-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 214 - Sleeping With the Manatee or: Guess Who's King of the Internet?" Lou took a deep puff off his blunt cigar. 'You know it wasn't always like this', he said. 'Back when I was young, we didn't have bar codes all over our body parts. My member was clean and pure. You could make love to a woman. You didn't need to scan your dick and get approval like today. It was.... It was real living. Now we just go through the motions. Disrobe, then run the scanners over our stuff. Central Authority decides what happens next. What fun is that? How did it get this bad? It started out as a few simple laws, you know, to prevent disease and unwanted babies and stuff. Now you even have to scan to piss. To piss!!! Used to be you could just whip it out and let it flow. Now you scan your dick, then scan the urinal and you wait. Central Authority decides if you really have to piss and whether you can piss in that specific place. 'Piss Traffic Control' is bullshit! That's what it is. Well I'm old and my bladder ain't what it used to be'. Just then, an alarm sounded. Lou wet himself again. Another 50 dollar infraction.


show release date 5-13-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 213 - Man Bites Cow or: All Eyes on the Controls" Last year, Andy won second place in the Halloween costume contest. He dressed as a labia - a left labia to be exact and he called himself 'Andy the Left Labia'. It was a scream, but he didn't win - mainly because he offended a couple of the judges. This year he had an even better idea. He dressed as a larger than life sized, fully-functional colon, complete with rectum and anus. He even had food that would pass through the system and be expelled out the rear end. In addition, he wore a small mp3 player that squawked out a series of fart noises at varied intervals. For even more laughs, he put a random object through the system like a penny or a cat toy to show what happens when kids swallow things. It was both fun and educational. But Andy didn't stop there. He had a live gerbil running on one of those rodent exercise wheels placed in the rectum part. There were holes punched in so that the animal could breathe as well as a small water dispenser to quench its thirst. This would keep the PETA people off his back. But, his dream to win first place was not to be realized. He ended up being beaten by that asshole Jack who's 'Zombie Raggedy Ann' costume easily took the coveted top prize. Bastard!.


show release date 5-7-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 212 - A Vast Right-wing Conspiracy or: Don't Go Into Ethel's Room" With your eyes closed, you'd never know you were in any danger. Everything seemed completely normal. You'd hear the sound of 3 ticking clocks at varied distances. You'd catch the scent of moth balls and synthetic gardenia with a side of urine. A feeling of tepid peace would surround you. You wouldn't know you were in trouble until you heard the words, 'Let me show you my cat pictures'. You've wandered into Ethel's room and now you're fucked! Ethel loved to show off her cat pictures. Every cat had a special name and a unique story. Oscar loved to cuddle on laps. Mister Pickles would nibble your fingers. Bubbles peed in the corners. Blinky climbed the curtains. Lord Rascal could jump straight up. The list went on and on. But Ethel never owned any cats. She was severely allergic. All those pictures were cut out from decades of magazines and newspapers. Some images weren't even of cats. Not that it mattered. By now, you'd be so bored that you're wishing for death. Any manner of death. Just some way to end this. But Ethel would keep going, and you'll be in a wormhole of infinite monotony! This is your only warning. Don't ever go into Ethel's room.


show release date 4-30-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 211 - No Refunds or Exchanges or: I'm Gonna Glock Right Now" The house smelled like stale infection and circus meat with a slight hint of putrid clam. This was actually a huge improvement over the previous days when uncle Rick was here. Uncle Rick is a large man, so large he could barely walk. He mostly depended on an electric scooter to shuttle him around, leaving a trail of vile odor in his wake. He refused to bathe claiming that soap and water dried his skin. He also wore the same clothes every day, never bothering to wash them either. It was a potent combination. But he was family and he was rich and we wanted to be kept in the will. So we put up with the stench, rats, bugs, and relentless foul language. We often wondered how such a giant piece of morbid, mouth-breathing fat could have the business wherewithal to become so rich. It was as if Gordon Gekko took a galaxy-class sized shit... over 400 pounds strong... a shit that was inherently brilliant and able to expertly trade stocks. They could make a movie about him. It would be called "Wall of Shit Street" and it would star Charlie Sheen and Michael Douglas. Better get that screenplay over to Oliver Stone quick.


show release date 4-23-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 210 - Crazy Broken Shit Makes Funny Noise or: Instant Harpoon to the Crotch" For the third week in a row, they met by chance in the frozen food section. Each time their hands grabbed at the same Lean Cuisine, his hand politely retreated first. But this week, he'd finally worked up the nerve to speak to her. And now as if by script, they met in front of the same freezer yet again. Their hands simultaneously motioned toward the same target. But this time, he noticed something different. She had a rag in her hand and a funny smell filled the air. And then... black. Next thing he knows he's naked in a bathtub. Could be hours later or days later, he doesn't know. Cold and groggy he feels a pain in his left side. The sloshy water is an opaque pink with blood and blobs of tissue. Stray ice cubes brush against him. He looks down and sees fresh stitches where the pain is. 'Fuck, not again!' he thought. On the positive side, if and when there is a next time, the joke will be on her as he will be fresh out of kidneys.


show release date 4-17-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 209 - A Slight Mutation Caused This? or: Dad's Parakeet is Dead" Ned ran his ant farm like a Soviet gulag. He was a true tyrant at heart, but his real passion was practical jokes. He claimed that Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction was all his idea. He also had drawn up detailed plans for circuit bending Dr. Stephen Hawking's voice synthesizer. That looked promising, if he could only get close enough. Problem was that his ants didn't appreciate all the efforts. See, ants aren't capable of comprehending such things. After all, they're only ants. So there would be consequences. Deep consequences. Ned dressed up like Jesus by manipulating a bed sheet to resemble a robe. He carried a vial of what he claimed was holy water and he pranced around for hours in front of his ants preaching bible scripture. Louder and louder, his raspy voice hit an unbelievable volume. The walls in his house even shook at points. Outside he erected dozens of religious icons in his yard, the largest statue reaching up 20 feet. Now the homeowner's association would have to become involved.



show release date 4-11-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 208 - Hillbilly Trash Infant or: Phase One Operational" Jack was the least insane person at the asylum. This made it very hard for him to get along with the others as it was near impossible for him to relate. Mostly it was the little things. He just couldn't see getting all worked up over unimportant matters like the other group members did. When they'd be in a frenzy drooling and defecating everywhere, Jack was in the corner keeping to himself. It was a lonely experience. But he did enjoy the occasional field trip. Recently, they went to see professional wrestling. Being that they were all basically nuts, they were segregated from the 'normal' fans. That meant watching the matches from a distance. Though the wrestling was more like a sideshow, because the real action was with the 'loons'. They were running in circles screaming out the names of their favorite wrestlers, some of which weren't on the card or even existed in reality. They were trying wrestling moves on each other, some smaller ones piggybacking on the larger ones. All were shouting and drooling. The smell of feces laced the air. This became so loud and distracting, that the fans began to focus away from the wrestlers and on to the nuts. The chanting, drooling and defecating became so much that they had to remove the insane group from the building. That's pretty much what happened with every field trip. The opera is next month. Should be fun.



show release date 4-4-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 207 - Alien Fartbox and the Bent Fork or: Pyle's Major Malfunction" Remember what I told you about if you ever found yourself in one of my dreams, not to get in an elevator? Well last night, 3 of you didn't listen. Here's what happened.... This girl from the office tried to confiscate my nearly full shampoo bottle. Basically I told her that 'there was no fucking way she was taking anything from me' and I stormed out with the shampoo bottle still in my hand. I headed for the nearest elevator and got in. This is where the 3 of you come into play. I didn't know you from real life, but you know who you are. Anyway one of you hits the 2nd floor button. Good, a short ride up, but not so fast. Actually, very fast. The damn elevator rockets straight up at an ungodly speed passing the second and then every floor above that in record time. We go well beyond what I thought were the number of floors in the entire building. Then we slam hard into the roof. At least we stopped. We're all hurt as we try to make a quick escape. Not so fast, because we immediately begin to descend like a brick, falling at incredible speeds. No time to scream as we hit the ground and the elevator shatters, spilling it's contents (us) into the lobby. We're broken up pretty bad. I can hardly move and everything hurts. You 3 are in pretty much the same condition. Maybe you'll listen to me next time?



show release date 3-26-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 206 - Space Monster Rocket Lover or: Baby's First Root Canal" The feedback loop quickly hit critical mass and now the snail population was out of control! Everywhere you went, there was that 'crunching' sound. Hundreds of shells were crushed under every person's step. Cars rolling over them made a symphony of crackle and squish. The streets were a flaky paste. Then there was the smell: more 'fishy' than 'meaty'. Birds couldn't keep up. Most couldn't even fly, they were full of fresh snail. That's when the 'bird problem' got out of hand. They were so fat, they couldn't move and now they too were being crushed! It was awful. Though the feathers muffled up the crunching sound a bit, which was a relief. But the townspeople never worried as they were a strong kind. At least not until that dead polar bear was found on the steps of the courthouse. That almost never happens this far South.



show release date 3-24-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 205 - Exit Planet Numbnuts or: Beagles Nipped My Flesh" From the minute he walked in, he knew it was going to be a bad deal. The room reeked of old cigars and bad mackerel. A grey haze hung about waist high. So much for hitting the big time, he thought. The lighting was terrible and the carpet was spattered with stains. And worse yet, he was stuck with just a single power outlet. The sound of dripping water echoed from the next room. It couldn't get any more 'third world' in here. The only thing he needed to do now was try to figure out how to get out of this. And, of course, his allergies start kicking in. It happens when he gets nervous. No time for complaining as it was already close to five. And the puppy needed to be kicked. Hard. He had a quick thought back to the old days. Easy times. Hardly ever a care and the sun was so bright. Happy birds chirping blissful songs. Beautiful, colorful flowers. Enough with the distractions! Did he have it in him for one more - just one?



show release date 3-19-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 204 - Critter with an Attitude or: J Edgar Hoover, Zombie Killer" Long before he ran the FBI, J Edgar Hoover had another mission: killing zombies! It was well known that at the turn of the 20th century, the ratio of zombies to humans was the highest in recorded history. And the one thing that Hoover hated more than anything - even more than dirty communists, were zombies. Hoover attacked them with an unprecedented zest, brutally crushing skulls with his bare hands in some cases. He had no fear, only an unbridled hate for the living dead. And who could blame him, given that his twin brother was bitten and turned when they were just toddlers. It was revenge that Hoover was after, and he got his revenge. His weapon of choice was the shovel. Simple and elegant but effective nonetheless, the shovel accounted for over half of his kills. But when one wasn't available, Hoover was also an expert with his hands. He knew right where to hit a zombie, bringing the undead back to just dead. In under 8 months, Hoover had over 10,000 confirmed kills - an amazing feat even by today's standards. Then after years of relentless killing, the zombie population was firmly under control and Hoover needed another profession. A new organization was being formed in Washington, DC called the FBI - and they were taking applications. The rest is history.



show release date 3-11-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 203 - A Tarantula's Autopsy or: Never Fuck with a Man's Horse" Kennedy wanted to put a man on the moon. 50 years later, we had Derpbot. Project Derpbot was a failed government experiment which cost Trillions of dollars in taxpayers' money but ended up just being a pathetic attempt at artificial intelligence. The thing was the size of a refrigerator and basically limped around in circles making a synthetic 'gurgling' noise. It also leaked oil. At least it had a small cluster LED lights on it that made for an inefficient night light. However, nobody with a respectable security clearance would even consider taking the damned thing home. They tried dumping it off on the Pentagon. No dice. And NASA? Well at least they had a decent excuse: something about it being too cumbersome to be sent to Mars on a probe. Nevertheless, they had to come up with something quick as Derpbot was costing a couple Billion a month just to maintain. Then a stroke of genius hit: 'How about selling it to the Russians'? After all Putin loves gadgets.



show release date 3-4-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 202 - Chillin With My Japanese Stunt Double or: Battery Paste Taste Testing" There's a reason why Darcy always wears turtlenecks. And Dan, her boyfriend of 2 weeks is about to find out. See, Darcy has gills. Not the multiple slit kind that sharks have, or even the more common, one on each side fish model. Darcy's gills are more 'newt-like', that is they are little cluster branches of red capillaries growing on the sides of her neck. Even more strange was the fact that when sexually aroused, Darcy made a high-pitched squealing sound that went over like finger nails on a chalk board. Dan was looking forward to seeing Darcy tonight. He was sure he was going to go 'all the way' and that she was going to be the future 'Mrs. Dan'. He even had the ring mentally picked out. He was surely smitten! But how would he react to Darcy's little secret?



show release date 2-26-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 201 - Please Pass the Afterbirth or: A Touch of Altitude Sickness" Jeremy finally had enough of Bono's whining. The decision was made and now he had to break the news to fellow bandmates Bruce and Kelly. As of this moment, they were officially a CCR tribute band. Though they spent the last 6 months as a U2 tribute, and with the talent show just days away, Jeremy felt the sudden change was justified. Besides, when was the last time that John Fogerty whined about anything? So, from now on 'High Flying Spyplane' would be known as 'Proud Bayou Traveling Band'. They'd have to make some musical adjustments as well. First, Bruce's favorite digital delay would have to go and he'd have to learn a few more chords as well. Kelly's job was a bit easier to handle since he actually did know how to play drums. And Jeremy would quit with that fake Irish accent once and for all!



show release date 2-4-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 200 - Stuck in the Plutonium Mud or: Bag of Tendons, Cup of Rice" A wormy boy with the face of a rat told him there was trouble to come. Could he have meant this? Rusty was now being held hostage by the very calculator that he recently purchased from Walgreen's... for 3 dollars! How could a cheap Chinese pocket calculator be so intelligent and yet capable of so much evil? Cloud computing and internet porn gone bad - times ten. Even though he deleted his browser history, all hell was breaking loose. This wasn't possible, yet it was playing out like some bad horror movie. Whatever the cause that little hunk of plastic and silicon now had the launch codes and with it, a list of very specific demands.



show release date 1-22-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 199 - Anechoic Chamber Sex Swing or: Be a Dead Fuck or Just Sound Like One" God must really hate that fishing village. This is the fourth giant squid attack since Mayor Brody took office. How could the feeding on one criminally insane person to a great white shark warrant such vengeance? It really doesn't matter at this point. All that's important is just keeping what's left of the townspeople safe. And with each attack more violent than the last, it would only be more difficult. What's worse is that the last squid cut off all communications to the mainland. Now they were truly on their own. As evening falls, the fog rolls in. The air is thick with a foul scent. It's quiet. Too quiet. What nightmare would the sea vomit up this time?



show release date 1-15-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 198 - Stumpbroke and Loving It! or: The Re-Education of Sarah R." Don forgot the safe word! Damn it. Why did this have to happen? He loved Tasha so much and they'd been together for a really long time. She could be a bit on the aggressive side and he swore he'd remember the safe word. Was it 'bean', 'whiskey', 'cactus'? Damn it!!! At least she put the plastic down. It would be embarrassing to have to explain to the Stanley Steemer guys what all that blood, bodily waste and mystery gel was from. There's no way they'd believe that a 10 pound beagle could hold that much. But what was the safe word? Oh no! It's really starting to hurt! What's she going to do with that turkey baster and power drill? It won't fit in there! Not again. No! No! No!!!!!



show release date 1-9-2013

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 197 - Rise of the Sand Lizard or: Sine Wave Tragedy" It took the paramedics over 30 minutes to pry the starfish off poor Caleb's face. The scars it left behind, however, may never completely heal. They learned a lot from the incident. Such as that fact that children should be better supervised at the aquarium. Pretty obvious there. So they put up some more signs. But what of the starfish? Why did it attack that poor child? Was it the lure of fresh cotton candy? Perhaps it was that succulent rubbery strand of green snot dangling from the toddler's right nostril? Whatever it was, it turned that docile starfish into a rabid pit bull. What about the sea horses? Were they in on it as well? We just can't be sure. As a precaution, the petting pool was flooded with a concentrated chlorine-sulfide toxin which neutralized all of the inhabitants. It was the only way to be sure. Also, the aquarium's annual fundraiser was postponed a month. Best to let this whole thing blow over.



show release date 12-11-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 196 - Texas Spatula Rampage or: Stuck in the Dutch Oven" Robert swore he'd never play with dark matter again. But the damage was already done. All he knew was he was now about 50 years in the past, plus or minus. The man he shot was his grandfather. The woman he had sex with was his grandmother. Her daughter, his mother, was about to go on a date with the boy who would eventually be his father. Problem is, Robert had quickly grown to despise him. Robert Sr., was a 16 year old pimple-faced royal pain in the ass, dumb as hell to boot. And he was about to go on a date with Robert Jr.'s precious step-daughter (his mother). Eventually, they would marry and spawn Robert Jr. who would, years later, play with dark matter and end up in the past. Now here's where things get interesting.... In his back pocket, Robert Jr. carries a crumpled pack of cigarettes and an old stick of gum. This is the focal point of what would become an uncontrollable energy burst capable of shaking the Earth off its axis.



show release date 12-4-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 195 - Pocket Full of Hollowpoints or: When Ms. Kissell Breaks Wind, We Beat the Dog" Molly's hair was a disaster! She tried everything, including a last ditch suggestion from the internet to 'rub Preparation H on it'. Nothing could stop the frizz! She blamed it on the humidity, but it really didn't matter. Her job interview was just hours away and she was a complete wreck. Instead of a work of art, her hair looked more like a giant tarantula. It was at this time, of course, that the power goes out. What else could possibly go wrong? Across the street, 13 year old Jimmy is about to nuke his Hot Pocket when the blackout happens. He's hungry, without electricity and he now sees no other option but to go cannibal.



show release date 11-26-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 194 - Weirdo Erectus or: Unauthorized Access Denied" 'Up yours Whitey!' she said. And this is what started the lovemaking encounter between Veronica and Sam. What followed began as passionate, ramped up past intense and finally ended completely barbaric. The kind of stuff that would make even a Klingon blush. Sam was not Veronica's first love experience, but he would be her last. Hours later, we find Sam curled up in a dark corner. He's in a fetal position, sucking his thumb and trembling. His naked body covered in a slimy, plasma like jelly. A lone housefly lands on his forehead and slurps some gel. Veronica has long since shed her skin and teleported back to her home world. Inside her, she carries a clutch of freshly fertilized eggs - thousands of them.



show release date 11-14-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 193 - Bathroom Terror Circus or: Bite of the Knuckledragger" After months of nonstop work, it has become painfully obvious that Alex's experiments in time travel have been a complete failure. Although he has managed to run up his electric bill beyond belief and scare off his nosey neighbors. Plus, he hasn't seen the cat in weeks. As a side note, the by-product of the process, a gooey snot-like residue which forms on the walls does show some promise as a food flavor enhancer. What Alex doesn't yet realize is that his is stuck in his own time loop. Kind of like that movie 'Groundhog Day' but without Bill Murray. However, he does have his mother in law to keep him company... forever!



show release date 10-10-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 192 - Late Night at the GurglePlex or: When Love Overcomes All" Summer 1968. I just crapped my diaper. Again. Cronkite is on the television. Something about fighter bombers and a war far away that I know nothing about. On a good day, we get 4 channels. Today is good. Not that I comprehend what an antenna does or do I have the ability to adjust it for better reception. The Beatles are on the radio. I catch the faint scent of the warm, glowing tubes. I can hear their distinct hum as well. Increased levels of second hand smoke means that both my parents are home. There is no internet. No cell phones. No car alarms. No microwave oven. It starts to rain. My diaper smells like crap. Again.



show release date 10-3-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 191 - Filthy Dirty Pervert and the Lactating Monkey or: A Dogfish Combustible" Chris forgot the detonators! Even after the sergeant reminded him several times before the mission. He's going to be in big trouble when... if he gets back. Dropped 30 miles behind enemy lines, 6 men and no detonators! For now it's the sergeant who's in it big as the captain has a bag of fresh detonators on his desk - the very detonators that should be with Chris - behind enemy lines. The shit starts rolling downhill fast as the sergeant is assigned to latrine detail, and that's just for starters. The captain has lost it before but not like this. He's about 2 seconds away from a stroke when the news comes in. The bridge is still intact! Damn right it is... BECAUSE THE FUCKING DETONATORS ARE ON HIS DESK!!! Chris is such an asshole.



show release date 9-19-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 190 - Fun Like a Machine Gun or: Plasma Dean the Sex Machine" An erection lasting longer than four hours? That was 3 days ago it it's caused nothing but trouble. Who to call? The hotline is busy. Lines overloaded. Kind of like his member. Damn it hurts. And he's running out of willing girlfriends. The ER has provided little help. Take 2 pills and call back tomorrow just isn't going to cut it anymore. And they're not even sure if insurance will cover this. Talk about relentless. This thing just won't stop! Damn you modern science. Damn you! Now it's 'Day 5' and you can tell by his bloodshot eyes, drooping lips, and grey-tinged stubble beard that he's in serious trouble. How would he be able to survive through the weekend?



show release date 8-30-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 189 - Maybe It's the Beer Talking or: Laid in America" Say what you want about Ralph, but he's a fantastic cook. That aside, he's also known for making the most inappropriate comments to women. And he wonders why he gets so few second dates. But his luck is about to change as he just received a surprise email from a Dr. Henry Umgawa of Ghana. Something about an unexpected death and the transfer of 23 million dollars. Wow! And the good Dr. has promised Ralph a cool 2 million for his troubles! What could go wrong? Shortly thereafter Ralph strikes out again. This time it's with Nancy. Apparently Nancy doesn't find 'penis scabs' to be an acceptable first date topic of conversation. Now Ralph is stuck with a fantastic flaming duck that he spent all day preparing. But the wine is cold and his bank account is about to be filled. Nancy who?



show release date 8-19-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 188 - Shaking the Foundations or: Don't Crap in my Pool and I Won't Shoot Your Dog" Grant has had ass explosions before. He's had some monumental ones. But nothing could prepare him for what he was about to experience. It's true that the body can handle only so much and Grant has pushed the limits many times before. But some things are just not meant to be consumed. Ever. Even by someone as strong as Grant. A dare is a dare however, and a legend was born that night. Eyes bulged. Muscles cramped. Intestines burst. Tears shed. Grant's terrible plight would be told for generations to come in word and in song. It has even been suggested that a statue be erected in his name. And on the bronze plaque it would read 'Some things are not meant to be consumed. Ever.'


show release date 7-31-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 187 - Grandmaster, Mixmaster, Funkmaster, Sexmaster or: They Castrated Momma" Dave's gone and done it again. He left the gate open and Buster got out. Now Buster is known throughout the neighborhood as an uncontrollable crotch sniffer and once he's got his nose fixed on a target, there's no stopping him. The upside is that he occasionally provides a generous 'happy ending' to a select few of his 'victims'. Though this seems to be purely unintentional and random, it is nevertheless regarded as a plus. But, this is the fifth time in a month that Buster has run amok. All other options exhausted, the homeowner's association is forced to take decisive action. Everything becomes completely clear when it's realized that Buster is Dave's hand puppet which he fabricated from an old sock, discarded buttons, duct tape and a used enema bag.


show release date 7-24-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 186 - Flying on a Winged Tampon or: All Lubed Up and Nowhere to Go" Life in this small fishing village is hard. Actually it sucks. But things are about to get a whole lot worse now that Jesse is out of prison. Jesse has several mental defects, a few of which can be overlooked. However there are two of these defects which skew Jesse toward a life of unpredictable insanity. But, since he's served his 20 years and is technically rehabilitated, he's a free man. Free, but also on the menu. Jesse's first job lands him right in the gut of a great white shark. Actually he didn't land there. He was fed there... slowly and painfully. Seems that these villagers can hold a grudge for a long time and they're not all mentally 'right' either. Generations of relentless inbreeding will do that. So Jesse has become bait and life in the small village has returned to 'suck'. Everyone lives happily ever after at least until the giant squid attacks.


show release date 7-17-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 185 - Attack of the Giant Placenta or: A Secretion's Excretions" Even though it did what it was told and put the lotion on its skin, it still got the hose. Now cold, wet and covered in a gardenia-scented, slime it had to act. Meanwhile, Bonnie gets the disco fever and can't stop dancing. More than ever, she plays her tunes loud and proud with no cares about any possible future hearing loss. Across town, Alan farts in yoga class, but blames it on the fat woman behind him. It fools almost everyone. Everyone except for Rachel. George can't wait to see his girlfriend. And he's got some exciting news. It's about that elective surgery that he had. But here comes the tricky part... will she recognize him? Because "George" has become "Gale", and is 6 months pregnant.


show release date 7-9-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 184 - Failure to Courtesy Flush or: I Am Disintegrate" Joe's day was turning out to be pretty good till he boarded the plane. Wouldn't you know it, of all people, he's seated next to a mouth breathing neanderthal. And the smell! This guy reeked like a half dead leper bloating in a direct sun. Then, just when Joe's fourth vodka started kicking in, somewhere over Cleveland, this goon starts hacking up phlegm from deep in his putrid, maggot infested lungs. Joe was sure that the next global pandemic was being spawned right next to him. And the flight was full so there was no escape. Seats all taken. Lavatories occupied. Festering air continuously recirculating. Only 4 more hours to LA, he thought. But would he make it there alive?

show release date 6-27-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 183 - Litterbox Love Fondle Treat or: Wetsuit, Spacesuit, Clown Car" 'May the roads you travel all be unpaved'. This Chinese proverb became a living hell for Zack as the road he was now traveling was in fact, unpaved. Also he was barefoot, it was snowing and he was going exclusively uphill. Zack had experienced tough times before. Far worse than this. But he was never more pissed off. And he was on a mission to kill the bastard that came up with that Chinese proverb. And who could blame him, really? Ever since Daphne farted in yoga class, Zack has been in a really bad mood. And this just complicates things. But, in Daphne's defense, she did eat a super burrito just before class. Zack warned her.

show release date 6-19-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 182 - Molester the Jester or: It's a Remix, Bitches" Two hundred years in the future and billions of miles off course in uncharted deep space, the crew of USS Uranus finds a secret Nazi outpost. It appears to be long abandoned. A detailed search reveals unbelievably advanced technology... far beyond that of Earth. They load some examples onto Uranus for a return journey home. However, they're not exactly sure where they are and how to get back. Even worse, it appears that this "abandoned" outpost in fact is inhabited - by "Damn Dirty Horny Nazi Apes"! These apes haven't seen a human in centuries, and it shows. The Captain orders the crew to protect Uranus at all costs. But three of the extremely agitated apes have made it into the cargo hold. What happened next is so vile that it cannot be written or even discussed.

show release date 6-12-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 181 - Alpha Delta Beta Prostate or: The Diary of Dad's Brain" When Glen the plumber is done with his long day of laying pipe, he likes to relax and have a cold beer. Unfortunately, he's all out of beer. To top it off the TV has unexpectedly died and the dog just got sick on his new wood floor. He calls up his girlfriend Gina to come over for a little romance, but she's on her period. Now things are about to get ugly. Outside, the solar storm kicks into high gear. Transmissions are garbled and the sky turns a vivid green. Bill gets stung by a wasp and bit by a pelican on his penis. Both in the same day. A strange coincidence indeed, as this is the exact sequence of events that's required to start a zombie outbreak.

show release date 5-29-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 180 - Crouching Lineman, Hidden Douchebag or: The Draining of the Sturgeon" Things have been really crazy on the ranch since Jethro got back. Talk about micromanagement! He's been up everyone's ass like a tapeworm in heat. Even the goats are pissed. Meanwhile at the yacht club, Christine orders the clam chowder when her BFF calls with some exciting news! She then gets passive-aggressive with the waiter, making unusual requests. The pube in her salad goes unnoticed, however, and she leaves a substantial tip. Tyrone builds a sex robot and somehow manages to get herpes from it. Then the robot goes on a horny sex spree infecting the rest of the neighborhood before it's put down by animal services.

show release date 5-21-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 179 - 50,000 Pounds of Larvae or: All Hail King Turdpile!" Even though the horned toad told him to go south to Mexico, Jake stayed put. Defiantly, the horned toad went south on his own and had a legendary time in Cancun. Sex, booze, women, hookers, phlegm, topless babes, leather, vomit, panty masks, used condoms, more women and even a stray donkey were on the playlist. Everything the horned toad expected and then some. It was all going great till he was confronted by the cartel who demanded that he smuggle contraband across the border by hiding it in his rectum. The horned toad refused and made a valiant escape back to America, his anus still intact. However, he doesn't remember how and when he got his nipples pierced.

show release date 5-15-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 178 - Marxist Madame, Soviet Socialite or Armed for Recital" It's like a 1980's circuitbent fantasy romance. Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl ignores boy because she has the hots for the school's football star. Boy does stupid things to get girl's attention. Aliens invade and destroy the city. Boy and girl are the only survivors. Boy falls in love with alien that he believes might be a female because it has 3 'vaginas'. Boy and alien have a halfbreed baby. Baby half human-alien grows to be 300 feet tall and rampages across 5 states before it is killed by a last resort nuclear blast. Boy regrets coupling with the alien and asks original "girl" for forgiveness. Girl now is interested in boy. Boy gives girl an alien STD.

show release date 5-7-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 177 - Last Chance for Lap Dance or: Sensitivity Training In Progress" In this tearjerker, the 800 pound gorilla in the room really is an 800 pound gorilla. However, this is the one time that having an 800 pound gorilla in the room is an asset. See, it just so happens that at that very moment, this house was randomly "home invaded". The carnage was quick and complete. At least Jeff had wood floors and good insurance. But no one can explain how the gorilla got there in the first place. Could it have been teleported? Al is assigned to the HMS Cornhole. Reggie acquires a couple of nice additions for his polyp collection. He then exposes the polyps to a small amount of radiation for several hours. Now the polyps have acquired a taste for human flesh and fava beans.

show release date 5-1-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 176 - Soup Kitchen Sex Fantasy or: Greetings from Ambassador Molotov" It's when times are at their darkest that people turn to faith and hope. But then the containment field fails. Within minutes, all measurements go off the scale. Evacuations are ordered, but is it too late? Andrea gets a bonus and puts some money down on a new Prius. A wormhole is discovered just south of 8th Street. Before it can be filled, thousands of worm people come crawling out. Turns out that when startled, worm people secrete a gel like substance that makes a landfill smell like sweet roses. Chaos immediately follows. Eric bakes sugar cookies and the dog pees in the living room. Tom's parakeet learns to say the word 'bitch'.

show release date 4-26-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 175 - Hungarian Throw-up Machine or: Control ALT ReGurgiTron" Mark was a typical thirty-something, basement dwelling trainwreck. At his best, he is mis-matched socks, bad breath and a 2 day stubble beard. At his worst, which was really more like his everyday average, he is a wall of putrid body odor on a stagnate Summer afternoon. Leslie is the trailer park's finest. Birthing hips, three missing teeth, huge bleached hair, and a whole lot of attitude. They were meant to be. But the baby looked more like Pedro the lawn guy than Mark. By their 4th child, even Mark began to get a little suspicious.

show release date 4-17-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 174 - Shave the Whales or: Locked in the Freezer with Honkey and Crackers" This town can't catch a break! Last week it was the 'great dioxin spill'. This time, the mayhem starts innocently enough while little Joey is digging for artifacts in a vacant lot. He unexpectedly releases Dr. Von Zurnbler's latest creation, a hybrid vampire - insect zombie - wolf-breed colony! Matters are further complicated when Sheena, the town slut is, bitten. Randy farts in yoga class. Stan takes a detour on the way to the mall. Nurse Riley gets busted for possession - demonic possession. Amber confronts Gary and a mysterious package show up unexpectedly.

show release date 4-9-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 173 - Buster's Last Stand or: That Movie with Those People" Unknown to just about everyone, Steve is in it for the chicks. This will probably be a huge letdown to all his adoring fans. But for now, he's riding high. Ticket sales are strong along with hot merchandise demand. But then his computer gets hacked. Jessie meets a long lost relative who is looking for money. Robert escapes the clutches of his nanny. Artie gets a promotion. An earthquake is felt in nearby Rosemont.

show release date 4-3-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 172 - Alpha Male Pissing Match or: Sock Monkey - the Sphincter Puppet Reunion Tour" What started off as a perfect day abruptly heads south as Jack runs out of toilet paper. He reaches in his pocket for the only piece of paper he can find - yesterday's lottery ticket. Later, he realizes that this wipe cost him over $130 million. Undaunted, he hits the drive-thru followed by the nudie bar - so it's not a total loss. Beth comes across a spider in her house. This is an unusually large spider, about the size of a small dog - her small dog which she hasn't seen all day. Turns out the spider ate her dog. Three days later, the spider shits out a dog collar and half of a leash.

show release date 3-27-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 171 - Liquid Bondage and the Monster Attack or: Granny Panty Surprise" Janice comes across something she can't explain which sends her into a rabid panic. She goes on a shopping spree buying everything in her path. She finally reaches her credit limit while carrying a basket full of adult toys. Alice gets a puppy for her boyfriend Jake. Annie finds out that the internet is for things other than porn. Alex digs up an unexploded WWII bomb in his backyard. Upon closer inspection it turns out not to be a bomb at all. It's a space station. And the billions of inhabitants, though extremely tiny are still alive.... and now awakened. Battle stations!!!!

show release date 3-19-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 170 - A Mouth Full of Oscillators or: We'll Always Have the Slaughterhouse" Stu goes completely off the reservation after a day of huffing gasoline. Unfortunately, he loses a testicle while attempting to shave his balls with a rusty straight razor. However, in a brief moment of genius, he stuffs one of his wife's emergency super-absorbent tampons into the sack void. It saves his life. Bob gets "served" by 4 urban fellows, one of which is carrying a pie. Blueberry pie. Dan's fortune cookie gives him much needed inspiration and he decides to become a ninja. Lilly breaks her nose ice fishing. Lester farts in yoga class. Al hooks up in the frozen food isle.

show release date 3-12-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 169 - Wedgie for Haji or: Whisky Tango Fuckup" While dumpster diving, Nathan finds an envelope labeled "TOP SECRET". Inside are the schematics to a Russian doomsday device. He proceeds to build said device using found parts and used duct tape. Dissatisfied with the outcome, he gives the device to 'some homeless guy'. Gregory gets a pony. Jill writes "The Essential Guide to Perfect Manscaping" under the pen name 'Pablo Jones'. It becomes a New York Times best-seller. Walter has a recurring pain in his neck. After weeks of increasing discomfort he breaks down and visits a doctor. Turns out a large tick has burrowed itself under his skin and grown to the size of a mouse while simultaneously tapping into his brain stem. It cannot safely be removed. In less than two weeks Walter will be under the complete control of the tick.

show release date 3-5-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 168 - Gimp the Pimp or: That Which Festers Only Makes Me Smarter" Blanche, an 84 year old resident of a local retirement home gets appointed chairperson of the facility's entertainment committee. Her first act is to institute 'porn night' every Thursday. The first week's theme 'Best Beaver of the Nixon 70's' is a smash hit and senior morale reaches an all-time high. Nearby St. Mary's Hospital sees an unusual rise in the number of hip fracture patients. Meanwhile, south of the Ozarks, little Sammy falls from a tree hitting his head. He wakes up believing that he is Winston Churchill and then organizes a complex multi-front invasion of the neighboring trailer park. Beverly bakes cookies while Brad feeds the dogs. Mr. Pinkers coughs up a hairball the size of a grapefruit.

show release date 2-28-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 167 - Tommy Gun Blowup Doll or: Acid Reflux Body Paint Opera = FAIL!" Tensions flare when Monica's OCD hits a new record. Max develops a taste for raw slug. Evelyn faces her worst fears when the police show up asking questions. Randy knows a secret and he starts a blog. Luis becomes seriously depressed when he finds out that it's impossible for him to live his dream life as a soccer mom. Danny farts in yoga class. After a night of marathon bar hopping Ricardo brings home a slut-opotamus. They make furious love in the living room for several hours. Much later, coming to his senses, Ricardo finds that he is now missing a kidney, two fingers and a lung. Plus, the rent is 3 days late and the sperm bank is closed. They share breakfast at Village Inn. After weeks of research, Lance figures out how to boil water. To celebrate, he pops a huge zit on his back, then uploads the video of it to YouTube. It goes viral - the video, not the zit.

show release date 2-21-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 166 - Even the Blind Yeti Sometimes gets the Human or: U Loot, We Shoot" This incredible story rages on as William begins to explore synthetics. He quickly realizes that he's allergic to latex. Gordon gets a facelift and tries to use an expired coupon for a discount. It doesn't turn out well for both him and his neophyte doctor. Rebecca joins a country club. Ann dives deep into her own fantasy world where baby seals club people. She is seriously injured by a baby seal with a club. Steve makes up for lost time by hanging out at truck stops where he learns that the employees don't always wash their hands after using the bathroom. Andy wrecks his third car - in two weeks - but makes up for it by dating a one-legged stripper.

show release date 2-14-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 165 - Showdown at Tuatt Liquors or: Every man has his breaking point" Lucas makes a volcano for 3rd grade science class. Problem is that Lucas is 28 years old and in graduate school. Unfortunately, the uranium that he uses becomes unstable and 3 city blocks have to be evacuated. Howard opens a hot dog stand and Sally gets food poisoning. Joyce visits her grandparents in Michigan and finds love on the way. Lester moves out of his mother's basement - again. Owen gets a rash in a not so nice place but has no problem scratching in public. Ben has a sinus infection that quickly becomes bronchitis. He is amazed by the vivd colors of phlegm that he produces and sets up a Facebook page to document the progress.

show release date 2-7-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 164 - Operation Drunken Idiot or: Only the Wrong Survive" The shit gets real for Ralph when the family dog breaks into the household laxative stash. Barry has a root canal. Sarah farts in yoga class. Mark confronts Gina. Beth loses her car keys while Sal explores the exciting world of circus side shows. Jeff learns the hard way that just because it has a vagina does not mean you must have sex with it. Tanya begins marketing her very own line of gourmet enemas where she receives better than expected success along with an Emmy nomination.

show release date 1-31-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 163 - St. ColonBerger's or: Insane in the Methane" A giant space robot comes down from space and starts talking in this secret space talk when Jimmy does the right thing: he contacts the authorities. It all goes downhill from there. Randall has sex with a whale. Roy bends time with his circuit bent Casio. And Nancy breaks up again.

show release date 1-26-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 162 - The Dead Can Vote More Than Twice or: When you said forever, I thought you meant a week or so" Tensions rise as Bob gets into Diane's meds. Suzie smells a fart, but there's no dog nearby. Rob's minature robot is a total failure and Sam brings more to the table than just good looks and a Glock.

show release date 1-18-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 161 - Lord of the Hives or: Put on your Disco shoes it's time for Meltdown" The season premieres without a hitch as Glen finds a panda in the pool, while a UFO grabs Betty by the strings. Mark finds himself in a sticky situation as Dawn pulls the plug on Jamie's ferret.

show release date 1-9-2012

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 160 - Hung Like A Mastodon or: The Miracle of Climate Control" In this gripping episode, Max stubs his toe, Holly and Ben finally hook up. Len finds gold in his wine cellar, and Jane accidently shoots her dog.

show release date 11-2-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 159 - Breakfast at Lobotomy's or: You Had Me at Straight Jacket!" This week, Toby gets a mohawk, Mike finds a $5 bill, Sally finds out who the real father is, and toast gets burnt to a crisp.

show release date 10-19-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 158 - Electric Placenta or: In the Future, Everything Will Sound This Great." You can't make this stuff up. You might want to, but it's simply impossible.

show release date 10-11-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 157 - Lots of Knobs or: How Many Times Can You Dig in the Same Cat Box and Expect to Find Valuable Artifacts?" You want to know what's really shocking? 220 volts.

show release date 10-4-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 156 - Sex Vagina Horror Armageddon or: How the West Was Really Won" Lots of bootie shaking was had as people from all walks of life celebrated. Then the electricity was shut off. And then undead robots rose up and walked the Earth.

show release date 9-29-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 155 - Rise of the Mushroom Accelerator 2.0 or: There's More Than One of These" I had my best, brightest, most experienced engineer working on it. Pedro did a really good job considering he didn't understand English and had just a 7th grade education. But he was all that I could afford. Still, I think he is making progress and the prototype is expected to be ready for testing sometime early next year.

show release date 9-22-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 154 - Space Tampon Ninja Destroyer or: Maybe I Didn't Make My Point Clear" It was supposed to be a quick test. Nothing special. A run of the mill operation. But that's when the unexpected happened.

show release date 9-15-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 153 - More Is Better or: When a Routine Tonsil Scraping Goes Wrong" Just taking the laptop for a spin on a beautiful Summer morning, when all of a sudden, trouble hits.

show release date 9-8-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 152 - An Unfair Advantage or: How to Time Travel On Less Than A Dollar A Day" Lets get this groove going with the smooth sounds and hot beats of the best in simulated malfunctioning electronics. All the bits with less of the bytes. And it's even great on toast.

show release date 4-20-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 151 - Run Forrest Run or: Scrambling Up the Numbers Makes Better Cheese" It's the classics that we crave. And this one is destined to be a classic, that's for sure.

show release date 4-12-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 150 - A Side of Greens or: My Dreams Are All Digital." I sat and stared at the waves, but they didn't wave back. I washed the dishes and made the bed. Only time will tell if this was the correct course of action.

show release date 2-17-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 149 - Nice Girls Don't Fart or: What do you mean cheese costs extra?" Should this much power be allowed to be in the hands of an single person? And will the cute, cuddly little kitten really get it? Stay tuned to find out.

show release date 2-9-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 148 - Hot Robot Pr0n or: At Least I'm Still Big in Japan!" They may be cute and cuddly, but the pack a nasty bite. I suggest you keep your hands inside the ride at all times. It's going to be one of those days, I can feel it.

show release date 2-3-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 147 - Stop Eject or: When All the Broken Things Speak at Once" A laptop can be so many things. For me, it's a musical instrument. That is if you consider noise to be music, which I do. I used my custom synthesizer "Trash92" in Reaktor to make this mess.

show release date 1-4-2011

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 146 - Auntie's Alias or: I Told You Not to Press the Red Button!" Inspired by the deposit that one of my cats left on the floor for me, I decided that the world needed some more interesting things to listen to.

show release date 12-22-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 145 - It Takes One or: Every Glitch is Better Than the One Before." When a bad day suddenly turns worse, our hero manages to step in a big smelly pile. And then the fun begins.

show release date 12-9-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 144 - Well, It Worked a Minute Ago or: She Can Touch My Junk But I Better Get a Happy Ending." The smoke started to clear when it hit me.... This is exactly what happens when you overload the system with conflicting messages. Nothing that a few extra gigahertz can't fix. But, until then I'll just keep to eating off of paper plates.

show release date 11-18-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 143 - At Least it's a Dry Heat or: Live from Uranus As Paul the FrogBoy's Free Dinner From El Loco Becomes a Burden." The day was as hot as it was long. But at least it was a dry heat. The dumpster affectionately known as El Loco was full of refuse as usual. Located just outside a nuclear plant most people stayed away from El Loco and its radioactive contents. But Paul the FrogBoy was not most people. He had spent the last 20 years living as a freakshow attraction and had a reputation for eating anything especially if it was free. Is Paul about to be done in by El Loco?

show release date 10-27-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - 142 - A Beautiful Disintegration or: How I Destroyed Your Prized Cassettes and Became Huge in Japan." Another one of my Reaktor creations. This time its and audio processor meant to disintegrate whatever goes in. Sounds kind of like a ruined tape with a little extra.

show release date 10-21-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 141 - Dr. ReGurgiTron or: How I Learned to Stop Recording and Love Nonlinear Distortion." Adding some tweaks to Trash92 made it even more unstable. Should I expect anything other than that or was it what I was shooting for in the first place? Disregard all other options and you'll be left with the truth or some version thereof.

show release date 10-13-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 140" Inspired by everything I've ever broken, this is an updated version of my Trash92 Reaktor synth. Lots of under the hood changes make for a wider array of sounds and more fun!

show release date 9-28-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 139" Another of my "latest" synthesizer creations in Reaktor. This one is called Trash92. Trash92 is the result of my continuing quest to create unusual sound makers in Reaktor. Though my methods may be somewhat evolving, the results are anything but predictable.

show release date 9-21-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 138" I'm playing it like a drunken monkey, just the way nature intended. It's the Akai MPC 1000 loaded with a ton of my own sample creations all rolled up into one sonic mess. And that's the good part.

show release date 8-18-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 137" You're hearing my latest synthesizer creation in Reaktor. I put all my knowledge from the Mushroom Accelerator, Circuit Bent Sputnik, and Wall Street Bailout Generator to work in making this one. I don't have a name for my new synth yet, but hopefully soon.

show release date 8-10-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 136" Not since Luke found out who his father was has something so shocking been revealed. This is the Wall Street Bailout Generator - a soft synth that I created in Reaktor. It's a whole new breed of glitch, so enjoy!

show release date 4-14-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 135" Not since the time I circuit bent Stephen Hawking's voice synthesizer have I heard such a fit of glitch. So I really showed my laptop who's boss and then some.

show release date 1-13-2010

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 134" This is the cilling saga of when the 8 bit digital Schumer hits the fan. Be there when a venerable flea market computer is tasked with analyzing the schematics of something called a 'Death Star' for any weaknesses.

show release date 11-17-2009

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 133" You may want to wait for the good part, and it's only a glitch away. Listen asap as this kind of sound mangling could become a federal crime. What? That doesn't make sense? Since when does that matter....

show release date 9-29-2009

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 132" After a long break, I bring you a 'mixtape' of DLC episodes. A clash of sounds to end the Summer and it's a long one. I'm considering releasing this as an EP.

show release date 9-20-2009

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 131" Last time, I presented the "lost episode". This episode, however, might be the one that you'd wish I lost to begin with. Happy 2009!

show release date 1-12-2009

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 130 - the Lost Episode" Now here's the real story. This was supposed to be episode 93. It got tucked away on a backup DVD and stayed there for over 2 years. Here's why I think this happened: Either my hard drive was too full to safely render the audio and/or the show was too long and would take up too much server space. Whatever the reasons, a "replacement 93" was created and this one was forgotten until I accidently stumbled upon a test-burn CD-R in my car. Oh, and Bono still IS the record!

show release date 12-19-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 129" Citi gets bailed out and we wait to see who's next. About 25 years ago, John Cougar "needed a lover that won't drive him crazy". And just last year we found out that Bono didn't hold the record. He WAS the record! Don't worry. What you're hearing has nothing to do with any of this.

show release date 11-25-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 128" Since I'm not getting my 2008 bonus, I figured it'd be a good time to pull out Circuit Bent SputniK and have a blast.

show release date 11-17-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 127" Once again, I attack my MPC 1000. Over 1300 sounds, some dating back more than 20 years are unleashed in mutant form. I played all of this live...no edits! Be afraid.

show release date 11-4-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 126" Here's a glitchy little treat to start a new week. I played this all live on the MPC 1000 as you hear it. All the sounds are mine, some going back over 20 years. All chopped up and reassembled for your listening pleasure.

show release date 10-20-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 125" This one was especially fun. Skirting the breakcore, glitchcore, chipcore, corecore, and chaos genres, this episode was done completely live on the Akai MPC1000. I even cut 3 of my fingers from hitting the pads so hard. You can actually hear me hitting the pads since I recorded this with the internal microphones of the Sony PCM-D50 set in front of my studio monitors. All the samples are my own creations and you may even recognize some tiny chunks from earlier episodes of the DLC - since I love to hack up my own work.

show release date 9-30-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 124" It's yet another brain bender. This is the first time I've used my new Akai MPC 1000 in a production - as I've only had it a few days. But, there's lots more than the MPC going on, of course like field recordings and synthesizer stuff.

show release date 9-19-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 123" You're hearing a perfect example of why I don't ever get invited to the annual neighborhood barbeque. It's because I'm always tweaking my Mushroom Accelerator! And here it is running on an Intel chip.

show release date 9-12-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 122" Here's some of my field recordings run through a computer simulation of 16 malfunctioning CD players. The things I think of....

show release date 8-15-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 121" Do computers have souls? Is this what the machines will be listening to when they take over? I travel 20 years into the future to find out.

show release date 8-8-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 120" Now you shall experience the full power of the Mushroom Accelerator! Oh, and this was all done live with just one edit near the beginning.

show release date 7-29-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 119" I've been working on the Mushroom Accelerator. I think it's become intelligent. Or, maybe it's just some random crap. Anyway, enjoy some pure Mushroom Accelerator.

show release date 7-3-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 118" These still aren't the droids you're looking for. But, they sure sound like them. Malfunctioning droids, that is.

show release date 5-28-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 117" See what my wife has to put up with? Well, I thought that it was time for a nice, juicy podcast. Made with plenty of laptop noise.

show release date 5-8-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 116" Time to get out your secret decoders. What? You don't have your secret decoders? Well, who's fault is that?

show release date 4-8-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 115" I force my laptop to do unspeakable things... puke out relentless sound effects and there's nothing that can stop it. And you can hear it all!

show release date 3-24-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 114" Evolution or just me continuing to mess with Reaktor? You decide. What I do know is that I've spent far too much time tweaking this ensemble. What I also know is that I'll be spending even more.

show release date 2-28-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 113" A step forward in processing audio. This is like show 109 (show 109 was the source audio), but where 109 had over a thousand edits, this show has none. That's right, this was all done live using the audio from DLC-109. I created the processor using Reaktor 5 and processing is all live and somewhat ramdom. No 2 performances are the same even if the same source audio is used.

show release date 2-12-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 112" You'd think I like editing audio or something. Why? Well, if you saw the Pro Tools session for this podcast, you'd see ass loads of edits. But it's all about the sound. Headphone listening recommended.

show release date 1-23-2008

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 111" Like a Hollywood plastic surgeon, I did plenty of cutting to get this one just right. Edit after edit after edit. But that's what you love about this podcast. Headphone listening recommended.

show release date 12-7-2007

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 110" Will Smith stars in this movie where he's the last person alive on Earth. He probably lived because he listened to this episode of DLC. But, I can't be sure.

show release date 11-15-2007

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 109" Messing with voice. I take 'the sounds in my head' clip and abuse it. Chop it up, move bits around, chop some more. Then cut it up and rearrange stuff again. Then play bits of it while recording to a CD. Then take that CD and scratch it up and re-record it. You get the picture.

show release date 11-5-2007

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 108" What a real ear-bender we've got today! Processed field recordings, glitchy Reaktor, and some mutant tape effects all for you. It reminds me of that tiny mosquito that followed me the other day. Annoying as hell. But this is like 10,000 of them at the same time. Headphones and aspirin are recommended.

show release date 10-16-2007

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"Difficult Listening Channel - show 107 - Circuit Bent Sputnik v. 1.2" My circuit bent Sputnik now features software version 1.2! Which means that it's .2 better than before. So enjoy the simulated sounds of late 1950's Soviet technology.

show release date 09-18-2007

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***Earlier shows have been deleted to free up server space....